30Somethings can remember what their life was like 20 years ago

So I am sitting here listening to an old reggae song by John Holt titled, “The Morning of My Life”. How beautiful to think that I have experienced the morning my life and now I am in the heat of the afternoon. The evening and the night are nowhere close. The other day I sent out a video Mary J Blige’s 1992 “You Remind Me”. When I saw the date I was like WHAT? That was twenty years ago, for real? 1992 was a great year. I began a serious transition little girl into a young woman, moved from South Carolina to Georgia, discovered the love of boys, and went from middle to high school in those now golden twelve months. When I think about those events alone I think of how much change happened in such a short time and in such an important season in my life.

As a bonafide bill paying adult I can’t help but compare that time to this. Twenty years later and I am in a serious season of change. Lots of things happening at the same time and too much to think about. I am overwhelmed by the many decisions I have to make today and I am fighting with my natural tendency to shrink back and let the world live my life for me. I don’t remember thinking that hard as a twelve year old girl. My first thought about that is that I had parents to depend on for support and care. As a 31 year old woman I have a different support system made up of friends, parents, and extended family. But my main supporter is my savior, Jesus. Funny how I don’t rely on him the way I used to rely on my earthly parents. I need him more now than I ever needed them.

As a 30Something I have a lot of burdens, issues, expectations, and commitments so one (another believer) would think that’ I’d trust God in more definite way. What I’ve learned this year is that I do and I don’t trust God very well. I can honestly admit that I “trust” him best when I seemingly have some kind of control. This is not all my fault. The world and the people around me constantly tell me that “I need” to get and keep it together. To add to my shoulders I have pretty high expectations for myself and have met the expectations of my parents and others for most of my life. I’m not perfect; I’ve just put a lot of energy in trying to be perfect. This has been a great valley in my relationship with God. It’s becoming increasingly clear with each “trial” that to get to that point, He wants me to lean on him, and I can only do that when I have no control.

So this brings me to my reflection on my yesterdays and on my todays. Change is inevitable. Change is truly constant. In the past I relied on my parents without thought; today- I declare that I will rely on my God without thought. My life has turned out pretty good. The hard things turned out not to be so hard. The worst moments of my life have dissipated as I’ve exercised forgiveness. And the things that have needed to grow and develop in my life are certainly doing so in the right seasons. With this realization I look forward to living in my “afternoon” with more adventure, joy, and unthinkable trust.

God Bless You.

30Somethings reconsider their goals

It’s a beautiful Monday morning and I am sitting at work thinking about the wonderful weekend that just passed. It’s the beginning of a new quarter: in my life and on the job. I am struggling a bit with establishing goals at work because I feel like I have done it all. To be honest, my job is entirely too easy for me which worked for a season but all of a sudden no longer “rings my bell”, so to speak. I am definitely up for a more challenging and creative role in my professional life but bills have to be paid so here I am. Personally, I have goals into perpetuity: lose weight, do yoga twice a week, date like a marathon runner, eat less preserved food and more raw veggies, don’t worry, pray more, travel, and so on. When I write this stuff down I can’t help but laugh a little. Everyone has heard the saying: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” I think I get it now.

Reconsidering all that I have planned for this season in my life and the apparent lack of those accomplishments I am fully convinced that planning must be kept in proper perspective. I used to make plans with the expectations that I would get who, what, and wherever I was going through completing each preset plan successfully. BIG FAT WRONG! I shake my head at the many seconds wasted believing this awful lie. Reconsidering my natural knack of planning I am now assured that I can plan all that I want to but at the end of the day God will have His way. Planning is less of a concrete mission and more of a roadmap or a GPS that hasn’t been updated in a while. In fact I like that comparison. The “life plan” that I update each quarter is a GPS of sorts and I must get constant updates from my maker to stay on the right or better yet the “best possible” track for my life at the time. As we all know with the GPS sometimes the signal gets clouded or the thing just stops working “right”. This used to get me in a tizzy. What I realize now is that the little machine is programmed to reconsider where it is and happily recalculates the “best possible” route. No breakdown, no disappointment, no smoke…. EUREKA!!! Finally I can relax, unravel my panties, and breathe easy (outside of a paper bag).