I am no Mary Jane

So after seeing too many Facebook posts, magazine covers, and having someone actually refer to me as a "Mary Jane" I must get my point of view in print. 

#1. I am no Mary Jane!

#2. Mary Jane is a great character the depicts the new, common situation that many women in the new millennium have found themselves in. But instead of getting to the real deal we want to glorify the so called "Diva Who Has It All" and "Nothing At All" at the same time! Do we not see that there is a problem here?

#3. We better recognize!

 In our day and age we have come to a place where ideas are just put out there and the repercussions of accepting those ideas are never explored. The best universal example I can think of is that of Free Love. Free Love in the 60's got us an outbreak of HIV/Aids in the 80's and at home HIV test kits in 2014. "Free Love" has morphed into "Know Your Status" in less than a 50 year span. In my opinion as a single woman in the new era Mary Jane is a similar example of an idea gone awry. She is supposed to perpetuate the glory of equal rights and girl power but instead she's a tragic loss and growing epidemic.

Equal rights as a movement for women quickly became "I don't need a man" and has now become the saga played out on TV every Tuesday night in Mary Jane's life. What was once a genuine argument that a woman should be able to participate in the world she lives in has become a twisted badge of honor in which a woman who "has it all" ends up on the wrong side of what she wanted in the first place. While everyone says "You go girl! It doesn't matter 'cause you look good!" The same way people shouting free love simply wanted to explore the possibilities of their sexuality with whomever they chose; Mary Jane sought to achieve all she was capable of yet ended up in what is know as female purgatory: unmarried and without child.

Now the feminist eyes that scan this post will shrug and ask, What's wrong with that? A woman can do everything a man can and being single without children isn't hell. The thing is that...IT IS HELL when your heart's desire is set on those things. More crushing is that you did what everyone told you to do with the certain promise that you could be a maverick and a mother. Then you turned 38 and woke up with heartburn, aching neck muscles, uncontrollable tears, in the midst of an anxiety attack that you quietly tidy up before work every morning. No one can know that you are falling apart. Worse yet, is that you did what you had to do to be a viable citizen. You went to college, got that first job, then a promotion, enjoyed the achievement, fell in love, voted, mentored, made pretty damn good decisions, learned to be both a great cook and a vice president, took the yoga class, learned German, got that 2nd degree....all to be told by the guy you've been in love with for the last nine years  (who found you so interesting) that he could never give you what you are able to give yourself. And let's just top it off by the fact that he gets married to the very next girl he meets within 365 days. And that chic has no idea how many days are in a year. 

I say all this to say that many single women find themselves in a place where they thought they would have their hearts desires by now; in the meantime they lived their life and grew in their careers. Apologies again to my feminist minded sisters but many women still want to push out a super-sized child, pack lunch for their husband, and stand in the doorway as he plunges the backed up toilet. What's unfortunate is that no one sat little Mary Jane down and told her the truth: "There is an expiration date on your ovaries and on your youth". Yes, I know all the exceptions but my heart does not care. It would have been more helpful if someone said: 

• Baby girl, you may end up alone. 
• Darling, you may never have any children. 
• Honey, your achievements will scare off 99% of the men you date even if you barely make $40,000 a year.
• Sugar, even if this is the case you are still a woman. You don't have to act like it doesn't hurt you. You don't have to be the heroine.
• Sweetheart, youth attracts most men initially and that is just a fact of life; the older you get the more difficult it will be so work those 20's and 30's because sagging is inevitable!
• Lovely,you are loved because of who you are not because of your achievements or the pleasure your body can give.
• My dear, life is for the living. Some have nothing and some have it all.  Do your best and be okay with you no matter what! 

I do not glorify Mary Jane. Yes, I can relate to being tossed and turned by the whirlwind called "relationships" but at my core it is my desire to be a wife, a mother, and have a career. Instead of turning my current circumstance into an ode to "I'm every woman" I see the truth that society and roles have changed. Because of that I have to be clear with my expectations and seek out encouragement from those who know the desires of my heart and more so those who will tell me the truth sooner than later. I have to make decisions that will strengthen me and serve my life's purpose. I will not buy into this idea that this is the "new woman" or that it is okay (for me). I don't know what the repercussions would be but I'm sure relationships between men and women won't be better because of it.

That's my dollar and two cents about it.